she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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