he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
