I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
