we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
