i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Pooping to opera.
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