This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
