remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
