he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
