Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
