I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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