so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
