my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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