...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
