mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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