So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
