Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ketchup is God's man juice
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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