It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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