Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
