my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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