You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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