Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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