My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
They have beer where we have blood.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
