im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
