I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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