Porn is love you can see.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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