If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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