Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
