i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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