I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
