I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do vagina's smell?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
