i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
