Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
please don't ironically join a cult
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