next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
