I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
