Sorry, I don't speak sober.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
