if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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