it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
