i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
