My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
