4 words: hood of his car
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
