dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
