New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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