That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
