Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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