My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
