I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
