Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
