a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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