I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
