I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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