u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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