i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
