I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
