I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
